There is a saying that a close friend is like our "chosen family." This means that although we had no choice in what family we were born into, we can choose who we become friends with, and in turn they become like family to us.
That is why losing a friend hits as hard as losing a relative. For many people, our friends know us better than some of our family members. We often feel we can open up to friends without the judgment that sometimes family members are quick to dish out when you give an opinion they don't agree with, or do something they don't approve of.
Also, friends tend to be closer to your age than older or younger family members. Often, our strongest and oldest friendships started out in school. For this reason, our friends can relate more with us because we all go through the same growing pains over the years. We share many experiences with friends because they're typically the people you hang out with the most.
So, when you lose a friend — especially a best friend — it can be very hard to accept. It's hard to imagine that the person you spend so much time with, who you might have seen just yesterday, is gone from your life. That's why, when your close friend passes on to the next life, you should be one of the people to give them a beautiful eulogy. These steps are designed to help you do just that.
1. First, write a draft
Grab a pen or a computer, and note down your thoughts, emotions and favorite stories about your friend. Where did you meet, and what brought you together? How did they change over the time that you knew them? What did you admire most about them?
Making quick notes can help you get down all the important things, including your emotions. Once that's largely done, you can start to organise those thoughts into some kind of order, and develop sentences and paragraphs that explain each point.
2. Confirm fine details
Attention to detail is important in any eulogy, so be sure to double-check that any dates, places and events are correct. You might need to phone a few friends or check official records to make sure you have the details correct, but after all, your friend's eulogy deserves a little leg work.
3. Don't shy from emotion
While it is deeply painful to lose a friend, your eulogy for them will be more authentic, touching and meaningful if you speak from the heart. Express how they made you feel, and what they meant to you. Describe honestly the impact they had on your life. Everyone else at the funeral will appreciate your candid honesty, which will undoubtedly spark memories for them, too.
Of course, some matters exist only between yourself and your friend. Don't feel that you need to lay everything bare. Some secrets will be better kept between you, but the important element here is staying true to your feelings as you put them into words.
4. Consider how you'll say it all
How do you want the eulogy to feel? In some parts, you might be serious. But in others, you might be cheeky or humorous, if that reflects the relationship you had with your friend, and the stories the eulogy contains. Think about the language you'll use, but also about pauses, rhythm, and how you'll change your tone of voice to suit different stories and emotions.
5. Time it
A eulogy can be anything from five to 10 minutes in length, so aim for 500 to 1,000 words. Obviously you wan't want to rush through the speech, since you'll want listeners to understand and reflect on what you're saying, but you also need to keep to your allocated time so that other readings and parts of the funeral or memorial service can take place as planned. So, time yourself reading the eulogy at a pace that people will be able to follow, then cut or add — craft it — to fit the time you'll have.
6. Finalize... with help
Read through the entire speech looking for errors, especially grammatical ones. Unless the eulogy is to be printed in a service booklet, typos won't matter much. But grammatical errors will be heard by everyone in attendance. Once you're comfortable with how the speech is looking, share it with a trusted friend or family member. That second pair of eyes might turn up a few issues you missed, and it's better to find them before the service, rather than during it.
7. Practice, practice, practice
The key to public speaking — which giving a eulogy is — is to get comfortable doing it, and that takes practice. Read the speech aloud to yourself, working out where you'll pause and which words you'll want to emphasise. Once you're happy, try it on a trusted friend or two, to get their thoughts on everything from your pacing to the stories you've included. The more practice you do, the less you'll need to read the speech directly during the service, and that makes it easier to connect with the audience.
8. Make eye contact as you deliver it
Your eulogy is a parting gift for your beloved friend, but it's also a gift for everyone who attends the funeral or memorial service. You won't want to spend the entire speech reading from your notes: be sure to make eye contact with the audience as you go. This shows that you're there for them, too, and that you share the same feelings of love for your friend. It will also make your eulogy more engaging and, of course, memorable.
Now that you know how to write a eulogy for your friend, you can approach it with your own style. While these tips provide a strong foundation, it's your unique, once-in-a-lifetime relationship with your friend that will dictate the flourishes and personal touches you add to the speech, and the experience. Remember that this eulogy is the final gift you will give your friend, and you're sure to deliver a speech that would have made them proud.
