Choosing a funeral director is one of the first practical decisions you'll make after a loss — and one of the most consequential. The right funeral director doesn't just manage logistics. They give you confidence that the person you've lost will be honoured with care, that your family's wishes will be respected, and that you won't be navigating an unfamiliar process entirely alone.
This guide walks you through the process, from understanding your loved one's wishes to finding someone you genuinely trust.
Step 1. Determine any funeral intentions
When selecting a funeral director, understanding your loved one's funeral wishes will make the funeral planning process smoother.
Your loved one may have specified a preferred funeral director or, at the very least, offered some information about the type of funeral they wanted.
The first place to start is to find out if your loved one specified any funeral wishes. Funeral instructions or intentions are often spelt out in a Will or an Advance Care Directive, Advance Health Directive, or other estate planning document. They might have also filled out a separate funeral intentions form that's kept with the Will.
Check if your loved one had a pre-paid funeral plan or purchased a burial plot in advance. Notify the service provider about their passing and enquire about the services that are covered.
Step 2. Consider your loved one’s funeral wishes
If your loved one didn't leave specific instructions, you don't have to make these decisions alone. Bring together the people closest to them — immediate family, a trusted friend, whoever was most central to their life. Different people will hold different pieces of who they were, and the decisions made in this step will shape everything that follows.
This is also a good moment to start thinking about the tribute beyond the service itself — who has photos, who has stories, who knew them in chapters of their life that others didn't. The most meaningful funerals are built from many contributions, and gathering those people early makes that possible. Memories is designed to help families do exactly this — collecting photos, videos, and memories from everyone who loved them, in one place, via a single shared link.
Step 3: Make a list of what’s important
A funeral is one of the last opportunities to honour a person's life and reflect who they truly were. The choices made here — style of service, religious or cultural elements, personal touches — should feel like them.
Work through these questions together as a family:
- Burial, cremation, or memorial service — and if cremation, what would be done with the ashes?
- Are there religious, cultural, or personal beliefs that should shape the service?
- What personal elements would feel most true — music they loved, colours that meant something, hobbies or passions that defined them?
- Where should the service be held, and where will they finally rest?
There are no wrong answers here. The goal is a service that feels honest and considered, not one that follows a template.
Step 4. Set a funeral budget
Many of the decisions your family will have to make as you prepare to say goodbye to a loved one will be heavily influenced by your feelings. As a result, it helps to talk about finances early.
Most funeral homes need payment before or shortly after the funeral so that they can pay suppliers and other expenses on your behalf. Choosing which family members are best suited to make those payments is often your first financial decision. Of course, they usually do so with the idea that they will be reimbursed by the estate later (the bank will release monies from the deceased's bank accounts upon production of a funeral invoice).
When it comes to choosing a funeral director, many people take the first fee they are given without realizing they have alternative options. Unfortunately, this frequently leads to families struggling to pay their bills during an already tough emotional period.
Knowing how much your family can afford to spend on a funeral service not only prevents financial hardship, but it also helps your family choose the right funeral home for you. If a funeral home offers to help you fulfil your loved one's wishes while staying within your budget, that's a very good sign.
Before visiting a funeral home, ask around the family and go over all of the paperwork and written instructions given by the person who's died. As we mentioned earlier, if they've made prepaid arrangements with a funeral home or purchased a burial site, for example, you'll want to be ready to accommodate that in your plans. We've heard instances of families who didn't realize a funeral was already paid for until it was too late — something to avoid if at all possible.
Step 5: Shop around for the right funeral director
You may end up with a number of solutions that appear to meet the needs of your family. At this point, reduce the list to two or three companies that offer the best combination of services, reputation and pricing.
To get started, you can compare funeral homes in the US here.
Step 6: Choose a funeral director you trust
If you're thinking about how to choose the appropriate funeral director, it's critical to choose someone you can trust to create a service that genuinely honors your loved one's life in the best way possible.
We recommend calling them as it's usually a good idea to chat with the company and the funeral directors themselves to establish confidence. Even better, talk to a few people at the company to get a clear idea of the customer service standard. If you don't feel like you're in the greatest hands, keep looking until you're satisfied that you're making the best decision.
When you meet with a funeral director, it's also worth asking what digital services they offer — whether that's a tribute video for the service, a digital guest book for family and friends to contribute messages, or an online memorial where everything is preserved afterward. Some funeral homes work with platforms like Memories to provide these; if yours doesn't, you can create them yourself.
Step 7: If pre-planning, make your plans official
An increasing number of people are opting to make their own pre-paid funeral arrangements. Most people believe that this will relieve their family's financial and mental burdens once they die. This is a wise and considerate decision that your family will undoubtedly appreciate as they begin their healing journey after you die.
If you decide to go this route, make sure you write down your ideas and share them with the appropriate family members. This will ensure that your wishes are fulfilled and that all arrangements go according to plan.
When the arrangements are in place
Once you've found the right funeral director, the work of creating the tribute begins. Memories brings every tool together in one place — a tribute video built from photos and clips gathered from family and friends, an eulogy writer that guides you through the process with gentle prompts, an order of service builder that produces print-ready files without design experience, a digital guest book that captures every message on the day and after it, and an online memory book where it all lives together long after the service ends.
The funeral director takes care of the arrangements. Memories takes care of the tribute. Start for free — no credit card required.
